This here is a dictionary of dope phat words you too can use to be cool like us!
I couldnt be assed to alphebetise it.
Here goes!

• "CHIMPANZPLOZION"

"Damn dude, I'm spent ... I just jerked the gerk to Anal Hussies 6 and had a fuckin CHIMPANZPLOSION all over my fuckin keyboard ... chat later"


• "ZIRAPHOW"

Ziraphow over the Koolaz


• "ZIPOW IN THE TLARK"

Police Officer: "Hey you stop pissing on that dead baby!" Punk Rock n Roll Guy: "ZIPOOP IN THE TLARK BIATCH!" Police Officer: "AAAARGGHH!! My face is melting due to your sparkling wordplay!"


• "LAZE-ASTIC"

yo hows it going?" "Im holding it down LAZE-ASTIC stylee mom."


• "... THE FUCK OUTTAH EAR"

Shout this when you finish your tea at you new girlfriends granny house and you boot the fuckin cup in her face


• "SHIMANTING THE ZOW!"

Gal: " WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING MAKING OUT WITH MY MOM YOU SICK BASTARD!"

A Drunk Ass Version of Yourself:" SHIMANTING THE ZOW! baby ... SHIMANTING THE ZOW!"


• "JANGOFUCK"

Look at the size of that donkeys penis ... JANGOFUCK!

This really is brilliant. If you dont recognise some of these album covers you deserve to be dragged down Voortrekker Rd by 16 donkeys on speed! You seriously should just go and kill yourself and do us all a favour... cause anyone who don't like music must make with the death already.

Anyways - enjoy the video clip... see how many bands you know ( Artist and Album name ) ... my fave is Billy Joel shooting Rick James's jerry curled head the fuck off with a mack - 10. Sweet jesus I love the internet.

Seeing as though I have made such a bad assly beau song up about me updating, let the updating begin.



This flyer that I did for an actual gig our band ,The Electric Fuck Pirates, was deemed too racy and un PC.
I personally cannot see why!

I feel it is everyones right to take the living fuck out of eberything and destroy anything and everything people hold oh so dear to them. Godammit, it's our human right!

to say fair's fair,
to redesign by blog,
I only think it's fair.

the time has come,
to restart the spread of hate,
from 8 till late .... look at that girls rack ...

fuck you voetsak!

bam bam bammmmm

how can they dance while the brad's not blogging .....
how can we sleep will gingers are out there clubbing?

how can they dance while the brad's not blogging ...
fucking souless gingers soon I will be clubbing ....

...god im amazing!

Read more »

WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I made this silly Aussie bastard, called Rob:


beleive that I was a hot blonde and then he goes....so you wanna see my cock.... and Im like:"No fuckin ways dude ... is this guy for real... so I go:

Sure big boy ... and boom - Rob gets his cock on the internet! Rob - you are a silly silly fuck!



WHAHAHAHAHA! WANKER! Next time dont get caught!

...He who makes a beast of himself...

Read more »

So I was just shooting the shit last night with a couple mtes trying to make some fresh pasta with a new bit of kitchen machinery a good friend of mine had obtained... when alas.

beep beep........ beep beep

oh for cuntfuckin joy - and sms. So i grip my oh some handsome and oh so strong Nokia 3210( I am so fuckin cool I am single handedly starting the retro-cellphone movement single handedly) ... Read...

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

a threatening message!who dares send the good Countsabel a threatening message at 8.15 in the eve?
So I check the number and I have no clue as to who it is... so I tell the person to fuck off and die in AIDSCANCER hell and leave me the fuck alone... but NO!

This person continues to fuckin piss me the fuck off with retarded messages...

so I decided to call it first thing when I got into the office from a landline so that the fucker who was trying to fuck with me would think it's just a normal call.

AND ALAS - AN OLD ENEMY ... ONE WHICH I THOUGH KNEW BETTER BY NOW THAN TO FUCK WITH THE COUNT.

SO THIS IS WHAT YOU GET....YOU FUCKING FUCKTARD!

YOU GET YOUR CELLPHONE NUMBER WHICH IS 0832996622 ... that number again...0832996622 PUT ON THE MOTHERFUCKING INTERNET FOR ALL TO SEE...

SO FELLOW FUCKHEADS ... DO FEEL FREE TO TERRORISE "ROSE LOMBARD" AT YOUR LEISURE...

OH and just by the way - she drive a blue Uno with Durban plate and has Red hair - so if you see her on the road - flip her the bird and tell her to fuck off! hell - run her off the road if you.....i could care a FUCK!

grrrt says:
midget strippers!
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
fuck
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
where is mandy when u need her
grrrt says:
haha
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
hey - u got like 10 mins to spare?
grrrt says:
whyyyyyyyyy?
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
lets team up on mandy
grrrt says:
kay

Betty Ford has been added to the conversation.

Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
hi mandy
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
how are you
Betty Ford says:
go away!!!
grrrt says:
hey little one!
Betty Ford says:
psycho
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
cuchi cuhci cooo
grrrt says:
shessh
Betty Ford says:
not you gerdjie
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
be nice tiny
Betty Ford says:
so you guys wanna torment me know
grrrt says:
so, we were saying...
Betty Ford says:
feel like cracking some short jokes
grrrt says:
you ask her brad
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
sorry mandy
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
i just wanted to have a chat
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
u know
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
old mates together
Betty Ford says:
puhlease
Betty Ford says:
what you want
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
seriously
grrrt says:
catch up
Betty Ford says:
HAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAA
grrrt says:
serial!
Betty Ford says:
okay
grrrt says:
like them old days
Betty Ford says:
so err...like...howe are you guys?
grrrt says:
when we laughed and laughed!
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
and laughed and laughed
grrrt says:
and laughed
grrrt says:
sigh
Betty Ford says:
sigh
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
whats the weather like in Lodon?
grrrt says:
so... how is... stuff?
Betty Ford says:
fuckin hot
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
serious
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
oh yes
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
it's summer ... right?
Betty Ford says:
yip
Betty Ford says:
im very suspicious
grrrt says:
it's a nice hot day here too
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
yeah
Betty Ford says:
you guys really wanna talk about the weather?
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
its so strange
grrrt says:
well... about other things too!
Betty Ford says:
hahhahaaa
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
it's been rainin and all of a sudden a glorious day
grrrt says:
yeah totally
Betty Ford says:
fancy that
grrrt says:
almost kind of hot
Betty Ford says:
wow!
grrrt says:
been so cold lately
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
yeah
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
been real cold
Betty Ford says:
i think you guys better get to the point
grrrt says:
cold cold cold
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
like X - TEME cold
Betty Ford says:
cos i gootta er
Betty Ford says:
wash my hair
grrrt says:
SUPER EXTREME COLD!
grrrt says:
XXX-COLD
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
X-TREME GAMES COLD
grrrt says:
X-TREME MIDGET GAMES COLD
Betty Ford says:
fuck!!
Betty Ford says:
here it comes
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
?
Betty Ford says:
you said the m word
grrrt says:
brad you dick
grrrt says:
it was brad!
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
sorry
Betty Ford says:
fuck you guys
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
i telepathised gerdtes keyboard
Betty Ford says:
you know im sensitive
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
jammer KORTGAT!
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
gees
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
sorry again
grrrt says:
stop touching my ass!
Betty Ford says:
you guys are so not funny
grrrt says:
so how about that bachelor party
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
I BEG TO DIFFER
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
YEAH
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
IT'S GERDTES BATCHERLORS SOON
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
AND I WAS THINKIN
Betty Ford says:
bachelors?
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
WE NEED SOME SPICEYNESS
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
YES
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
SO...
Betty Ford says:
you getting married?
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
I DUNNO HOW TO PUT THIS MANDY....
grrrt says:
YES...
Betty Ford says:
oh god
grrrt says:
GET TO THE STRIPPERS!
Betty Ford says:
CONGRATULATIONS
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
WE NEED U TO FLY OVER FOR IT AS ALL THE MIDGERTS STRIPPERS ARE FULLY BOOKED
Betty Ford says:
for fucks sakes
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
IT'S BECOME THE NEW PINK IN CAPE TOWN
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
MIDGET STRIPPERS WHO RIDE ON GREAT DANES
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
WITH BELLS
Betty Ford says:
IM NOT A MIDGET
Betty Ford says:
ask Amanda
grrrt says:
you'll do
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
AND THEY SAY ....
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
ODELAY - LOOK AT ME --- ODELAY - I'M A MIDGET
grrrt says:
already did
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
YOU AND HER ARE TEAM TOO SHORT
grrrt says:
ARRIBA ARRIBA!
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
HUNDELAY HUNDELAY
Betty Ford says:
fuck
Betty Ford says:
whens your bachelors?
grrrt says:
when you available?
Betty Ford says:
no man
Betty Ford says:
of course not
Betty Ford says:
but i'd like to come
Betty Ford says:
before you life really ends
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
thats why u gonna strip for us
grrrt says:
nono... YOU HAVE TO COME!
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
yes
Betty Ford says:
strip! whatever!
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
you can do it put your back into it
Betty Ford says:
get brad to strip...he's a freak
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
but i'm not a midget
Betty Ford says:
but you fat
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
WE NEED A MIDGET GODAMMIT
grrrt says:
we better get 3 strippers... i mean, how long could it possibly take to remove them tiny clothes?
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
HAHAHAHHAHA
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
it'll be like a 6 sec strip show

Betty Ford has left the conversation.

Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
hey mandy
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
do u wera Barbie size panties
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
NICE ONE!
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
GOOOOOO TEAM
grrrt says:
hehehe
Bradley Zachariahs Abrahams says:
this goes straight to papanihil
grrrt says:
HU-HA!
grrrt says:
YES!
grrrt says:
do it!

Would you be content to see me crying
After all those little games you put me through
After all I’ve done for you you’re lying
Wouldn’t it be nice to tell the truth

Didn’t somebody somewhere say
You’re gonna take a fall
I gave you everything
Now here’s the curtain call

Chorus:
Shot through the heart as I lay there alone
In the dark through the heart
It’s all part of this game that we call love

Now you’ve come back here to say you’re sorry
But I don’t know who you’re talking to
It could be the man I used to be, girl
But I’ve grown up and now I’m over you

Standing there just a live wire
With nowhere left to turn
You were gonna set the world on fire
When will you ever learn?

Chorus

Didn’t somebody somewhere say
You’re gonna take a fall
I gave you everything
Now here’s the curtain call
And I’m shot...

Baby does what baby please
And baby must have what she sees
But not this time, the tables turned
Baby, you just got burned

Chorus



... the solution!



The hours approaching, just give it your best
You got to reach your prime.
That’s when you need to put yourself to the test,
And show us a passage of time,
Were going to need a montage (montage)
Oh it takes a montage (montage)

Sure a lot of things happing at once,
With mind, everyone what’s going on (what’s going on?)
And when every shot you show a little improvement
Just Show it or it will take to long
that’s called a montage (montage)
Oh we want montage (montage)

And anything that we want to know, from just a beginner to a pro,
You want a montage (montage)
even rocky had a montage (montage)

(Montage…montage)

Anything that we want to know, from just a beginner to a pro,
You need a montage (montage)
Oh it takes a montage (montage)

Always fade out in a montage,
If you fade out, it seem like more time
Has passed in a montage,
Montage

When I doze off infront of the telly(tellynappin is like an afternoon siesta, it's not proper sleep.) then I dream, a sort of semi-lucid dream(as I begin to understand what the dreams are about, they dissapear/dissolve), on and off - funny thing is tho, my dream audio is the tv audio(?) yet the tv dialogue is totally different?. Like I'll fall asleep through the football and then I'm being called by some babe, shes telling me somthing that I understand and as I focus on her and begin to reply she cross-fades into Gary Lineker giving commentary?. Wierd hey?

The other afternoon I was napping durin the grand prix and as the dream visuals arrived, so the tv audio became the dream audio and so long as I didnt put my direct focus on the dream, it continued. I kept going in and out of sleep, it was continually intriguing that the tv audio was the dreams audio, yet they sounded completely different. Its amazing how powerful we are, like our visual blind-spot is automatically filled - we are not experiancing the original energy(it's only when the data is processed internally that we follow it), we are percieving a narration. We percieve things and colours, one at a time, our internal process( cognitive system -'reason') maintains the continuity of this 'life'

conclusion is that all reasonable behaviour is satanic - reason is the flawed interpretation of existance. A non-satanic observation of an event would be that the event is '+' and '-' and 'nothing'- "wait for it!!!" this reveals 'doubt', 'guilt' and 'fear' to be ludicrous subscriptions(to acknowledge all states of an event as being equally true is unconditional and without exception- thereby denying the definition of Doubt, guilt and fear). Furtherly concluded, 'unreasonable behaviour, devoid of doubt, guilt and fear is the Godly-way (yet our internal narrators are, as you read, associating this unreasonable freedom with images and feelings of fear, now you doubt your truth)................

I was having a look out of my bedroom window the other day, and my neighbour gave me the "two fingers".Since I couldn't believe that there was bad blood between us, I interpretted his gesture as a bold joke and I returned "two fingers" back at him. He wasn't joking and my smiling 'mr. Bean' style really pissed him off, He opened his window and shouted "wot the fuk ah yew luckin at"? "fukin benda, i'll come ower an snap ya in alf, yer cunt" . I must have looked a right twat though,smilling, giving two fingers,in a state of confused disbelief. I asked him where I was supposed to look( I mean, it's a cramped council-estate, you cant help but see your neighbours) funny, when I called him by his name, he began appologising?(Rumplestiltskin). He's 17 and he's electronically tagged - done for rape, a year ago.

Sossy gave me a bmx about a month ago, her then boyfriend stole it and stashed it at her house, after the break-up she wanted rid of it, so now I have it! I asked the neighbourhood ferrels for trick pegs, 10 min later, 5quid - 4 pegs (off the back of a truck). It's been great exploring the country paths - I will send some bike pics soon( I will be attaching a bike-cam on the next ride!!)

Im gonna try a joke again.

- Hunchback of notre dame gets home after work, and his wife's got a wok in her hand. Quasi says " oh...is it Chinese tonight?", "no" she replies,"I'm ironing your shirts"



Here's another easy winner(pasta sauce), call it what u will, it tastes legend and it's quick.

'The MG sauce'(for 2)

A piece of Gorgonzola (any blue cheese) about the size of a 20's cigarette box

A knob of butter (1/4 size of the cheese)

175ml-200ml pouring cream.

Melt the butter in a pan, crumble in the cheese, then stir in the cream. Legend. Pour this over any pasta - Mmmmm. I like to add some finely chopped spring-onion at the end, it looks good and compliments the gorgonzola. Actually it's simplicity gives it it's versatility, do and add what you like to this and it will remain legend.

Last weeks 'black' recipe was pro-choice, and it was the polarity of the yorkshire puddings, what is too far? - 'the quill is mightier than the sword' and all that shit....

So this week I will only make a small reference to 'NapalmPlus' - homemade, accelerated, napalm. Let me know if your interested!!

And the pics.............. I sent 3 (I can only see 2)

with fondness, Philip CS KI BU ARM.

This could probably b some form of e-terrorism. Subversive and Anarchic newsletters, I like it alot

Here r some empowering considerations that 'they' dont want you to know.

Empowe

Consider that, breaking the Law, equates to evolution. By being unreasonable, you are operating from original territory. Acting within the Law is predictable and dangerous.

Yorkshire puddings- (two servings)

Oven 220'c.
Cup cakes, baking tray, 6 or 8.
1/3 table spoon beef dripping(lard).
9/10 cup of flour, 9/11's if its a mug.
1 large chicken egg.
55ml water
75ml milk
pinch of salt n pepper
Pre-heat the oven to 220, grease the cake tray and stick it in. Break the egg into the flour and whisk in the water and milk, salt an pepper, now just beat it for a while. Traditionalists like to let it stand for a while, not me, I say stick it in, so...Take out the hot cake tray from the oven and pour in the batter. Relace in oven for 25 - 30 min until completely golden brown.

Terrific with all gravy type meals and very versatile!(see 'toad in the hole'), also nice served cold with treacle.

Thermite (3 laughs worth)

1/2 cup of fine powder, iron oxide(rust).
1/2 cup of fine aluminium fillings.
1 tablespoon wood glue.(ponel)
1/3 cup of water
magnesium ribbon 30cm
3 paper cups
Add and mix all the ingredients, besides the ribbon. When you have achieved a thick paste, pour equally into 3 paper cups. Now insert a strip of ribbon in each. Allow to stand and dry for 24 hrs.

Traditionally thermite is used to cut large sections of steel or concrete. It is also the intergral component, in 'armour piercing' technology. Basically, thermite is simple and useful, the magnesium ribbon burns hot enough to ignite the aluminum, which in-turn ignites the iron oxide, causing a release of oxygen - very hot fire!!! One of these lava cups will burn the hinges of a safe or u can melt a cute hole through a cars engine block(thereby turning your buddy's car into a very personalised keyring). Thermite is also very versatile(see 'the angry turtle' Thermite and Napalm)

Mall Employee: What kinda song do you want?
J Lo: Something hot and spicy!
*Country/Rock Music*
J Lo: Spicier!
*Beach Music*
J Lo: Spicier!
*Mexican Music*
J Lo: Burrito taco taco! Burrito taco, taco taco!
Don't think that just because i gotta lot a money,
I'll give you taco-flavoured kisses, honey;
To fill all your wishes with my taco-flavoured kisses!
Taco taco, burrito burrito, taco taco!
To fill all your wishes with my taco-flavoured kisses!
Taco taco!
Record Co. Guy#1: She's fantastic! Who is she!?!
Record Co. Guy#2: Believe it or not, her name is Jennifer Lopez!
Record Co. Guy#1: Well that makes sense! She reminds me of J Lo!
Record Co. Guy#2: Yeah, but she's younger and spicier!
J Lo: Taco taco, burrito burrito, taco taco!
Record Co. Guy#1: I don'th think J Lo would like it very much if
we signed this new girl.
Record Co. Guy#2: No, you're right...we're gonna have to fire J Lo!

Recording Studio
Recording Guy: All right, Ms. Lopez, let's take it from the top!
*Music Starts*
J Lo: Baby, lets make a run for the border,
I got a hunger only tacos can stop!
I know exactly what I'll order:
3 tacos, 2 tostados and a soda pop!
Record Co. Guy#1: Gentlemen, we have ourselves a hit!
J Lo: I need to make a run for the border!
If you'll pay I'll take off my top!
Do you remember what I want to oder?
3 tacos, 2 tostados and a soda pop!
Yeah, and don't forget the hot sauce, cholo!

Mall Employee: What kinda song do you want?
J Lo: Something hot and spicy!
*Country/Rock Music*
J Lo: Spicier!
*Beach Music*
J Lo: Spicier!
*Mexican Music*
J Lo: Burrito taco taco! Burrito taco, taco taco!
Don't think that just because i gotta lot a money,
I'll give you taco-flavoured kisses, honey;
To fill all your wishes with my taco-flavoured kisses!
Taco taco, burrito burrito, taco taco!
To fill all your wishes with my taco-flavoured kisses!
Taco taco!
Record Co. Guy#1: She's fantastic! Who is she!?!
Record Co. Guy#2: Believe it or not, her name is Jennifer Lopez!
Record Co. Guy#1: Well that makes sense! She reminds me of J Lo!
Record Co. Guy#2: Yeah, but she's younger and spicier!
J Lo: Taco taco, burrito burrito, taco taco!
Record Co. Guy#1: I don'th think J Lo would like it very much if
we signed this new girl.
Record Co. Guy#2: No, you're right...we're gonna have to fire J Lo!

Recording Studio
Recording Guy: All right, Ms. Lopez, let's take it from the top!
*Music Starts*
J Lo: Baby, lets make a run for the border,
I got a hunger only tacos can stop!
I know exactly what I'll order:
3 tacos, 2 tostados and a soda pop!
Record Co. Guy#1: Gentlemen, we have ourselves a hit!
J Lo: I need to make a run for the border!
If you'll pay I'll take off my top!
Do you remember what I want to oder?
3 tacos, 2 tostados and a soda pop!
Yeah, and don't forget the hot sauce, cholo!

Hoo - inbred motherfuckin - ray ... I have found a new bunch of
cuntarses to pick on. I was lucky to stumble - cause I was real
fucking drunk - onto this magazine at a buddy( not any fucking
more)'s place. It looked perfect for me to use to mix the mandrax
that I had just crushed with some A grade pondo from down my local
drug merchant. When all of a sudden I was taken aback by the name!

TRUTH!

I was like .... "Wow!" That really is a great name for a magazine,
I wonder what it could be about?!?!?!? So I opened it to find this:


100 000 young people (16-35) encountering God and committing
their lives to be salt and light to our nation!


... and I was like ..... WOW!


and then I smoked a button and this pic was taken:


this is their web URL:

PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO BE REALLY CHILDISH AND NARROW
MINDED BY SENDING THEM ENDLESS PICS OF NUN PORN AND SATANIC
WORSHIP AND SHIT.

FUCKING CHRISTIANS!

ZOIKS!



... by the way the ugly lsut next to me is nobody important - but if u do see her then throw things at her! Fuck I hate her!